Dear Reader-
It is with a heavy heart I write to you tonight. As many of you know, I like to keep things light and fun here on GOODEness Gracious, but sometimes when I share the joyous times here, it requires me to share the other side when things don’t go as expected.
Today we learned for certain what we have feared to be true for the better part of this week. We are no longer expecting Baby Goode #2.
I understand that some find the topic of loss a taboo subject, and I can respect that, so if that is the case for you, I respectfully ask that you skip this post.
However, as someone who has experienced that loss, I can tell you… that at least for me and my family, that hiding it away does no good and has the potential of doing way more damage than the pain of the loss itself.
Loss, like many emotions, will just come bubbling up in some other area if not dealt with…
Truth be told, many years ago—wayy before Miss Add—Puddie and I experienced this same loss twice within one year. That same year Puddie was injured and laid off from his dream job.
Back then, we didn’t handle it so well. We didn’t talk about it. And, it led to a very difficult time in our life and marriage. A time where I longed for someone to share their story with me… a story of a marriage that made it… not a perfect marriage…Lord knows I didn’t want to talk to anyone about that when my world was falling apart. No, I longed for someone to share with me about a marriage that dealt with really hard things like loss, depression, unemployment, etc. and found a way back to the love that brought them together in the first place.
I never heard that story.
But, I prayed a lot during that time and eventually God healed our hearts and things got better. Things actually got beyond better. Through that experience, Puddie and I built a bond that I know can harbor times like we now face with another loss. I thank God for that. That and the fact that God gave me that story that I longed to hear through my own story.
When we came out of that dark time, I swore that I would never pretend to have it all together. Ya see, when you are in the depths of a struggling marriage or loss, healing comes from talking to those who have been there- BUT someone has to be willing to share their story. There is so much good that can come from being honest. Sharing real struggles with each other builds bonds and can help a hurting heart so much. I swore that I would never pretend to have the perfect marriage… even though I know what we now have is worth more than gold. Or the perfect life, even though I know I am blessed beyond measure.
Since experiencing the joy of having Miss Add, Puddie and I approached this pregnancy from a stance that we were not going to let fear steal our joy. I realize sharing our pregnancy with you several weeks ago was a risk. I even thought, “What if something goes wrong”. But, again, we are committed to living a life that isn’t ruled by the fears of the what ifs…
Well, in this case, something did go wrong, but I am not sorry for celebrating the life that was with us, while it was with us.
My family is sad, but still incredibly blessed.
And, here I am… heartbroken and frustrated…but different than before.
Please say a little prayer for us and hug your loved ones a little tighter tonight.
About Cris
I am the mama behind GOODEness Gracious and the owner of Cris Goode Solutions.Here at GOODEness Gracious, we like to keep it light and fun as we cook up family meals, share our super mommy secrets and chat it up about the GOODe life:)So come on in and sit a spell.
Busy-be-me says
April 4, 2011 at 9:54 pmI am so very sorry for your loss.I know how diffucult it is as I experienced it many many years ago myself.at that time I had no one to share it with and it has affected me still to this day my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time may God wrap his loving arms around you and provide you with strength and comfort
Busy-be-me says
April 4, 2011 at 9:54 pmI am so very sorry for your loss.I know how diffucult it is as I experienced it many many years ago myself.at that time I had no one to share it with and it has affected me still to this day my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time may God wrap his loving arms around you and provide you with strength and comfort
Jen says
April 4, 2011 at 10:03 pmHello Cris. I am a lurker to your blog. I love reading your posts. I am terribly sorry for your loss. It takes great courage to post and share such a difficult time in your life. Sharing this will help another find a way to cope with their loss too. In 2002 at an 18 week ultrasound, my then husband and I found out there was no heartbeat on our little one and sadly, I had to undergo surgery. Oftentimes I think of that little person who I never got to meet, never got to share giggles and smiles with, never got to teach to draw, throw a baseball, hold a hockey stick. That child would have been 8 this year. While I never got to know him or her (I never asked .. I was too sad), I am constantly reminded that the love I shared with this person was special for the time I had it. It is a difficult road, but one that God shines light on for us so we can continue on our travels. Much love and blessings for you and your family.
Jen says
April 4, 2011 at 10:03 pmHello Cris. I am a lurker to your blog. I love reading your posts. I am terribly sorry for your loss. It takes great courage to post and share such a difficult time in your life. Sharing this will help another find a way to cope with their loss too. In 2002 at an 18 week ultrasound, my then husband and I found out there was no heartbeat on our little one and sadly, I had to undergo surgery. Oftentimes I think of that little person who I never got to meet, never got to share giggles and smiles with, never got to teach to draw, throw a baseball, hold a hockey stick. That child would have been 8 this year. While I never got to know him or her (I never asked .. I was too sad), I am constantly reminded that the love I shared with this person was special for the time I had it. It is a difficult road, but one that God shines light on for us so we can continue on our travels. Much love and blessings for you and your family.
Sherry Cunningham says
April 4, 2011 at 10:23 pmAnother loving Angel has gone to heaven and Lord please put some beautiful wings on the child. Lord we know you needed them more than we did so please take care. And tell the family we are thinking of them and praying with them all the time. Thank You Lord for watching out for all of them.
Sherry Cunningham says
April 4, 2011 at 10:23 pmAnother loving Angel has gone to heaven and Lord please put some beautiful wings on the child. Lord we know you needed them more than we did so please take care. And tell the family we are thinking of them and praying with them all the time. Thank You Lord for watching out for all of them.
Jkklane says
April 5, 2011 at 1:18 amI was married almost 17 years before I even got pregnant with our now 24 year-old son who was born healthy and a whopping 10 lbs. 4 oz. a few days after my 40th birthday. However, after our son, I had three miscarriages–all in the first 10 – 12 weeks before I would usually have had a doctor-confirmed pregnancy, but because of my “advanced” age, my OB-GYN tested me as soon as I missed a period. I still mourn what might have been, and not just for us, but for our son who was raised as an only child who has never experienced the bliss (or the aggravation) of siblings.
Jkklane says
April 5, 2011 at 1:18 amI was married almost 17 years before I even got pregnant with our now 24 year-old son who was born healthy and a whopping 10 lbs. 4 oz. a few days after my 40th birthday. However, after our son, I had three miscarriages–all in the first 10 – 12 weeks before I would usually have had a doctor-confirmed pregnancy, but because of my "advanced" age, my OB-GYN tested me as soon as I missed a period. I still mourn what might have been, and not just for us, but for our son who was raised as an only child who has never experienced the bliss (or the aggravation) of siblings.
Katie Lukens Pinke says
April 5, 2011 at 2:23 amCrying here on the prairie Cris. Your honesty, living life without fear is something I admire. God truly has another angel in heaven and while it can’t heal your heart or loss right now. Know that I am praying for you and your family, for your peace, healing and for more joyous blessings in your future.
Katie
Katie Lukens Pinke says
April 5, 2011 at 2:23 amCrying here on the prairie Cris. Your honesty, living life without fear is something I admire. God truly has another angel in heaven and while it can't heal your heart or loss right now. Know that I am praying for you and your family, for your peace, healing and for more joyous blessings in your future.
Katie
Ginny Tauer says
April 5, 2011 at 2:52 pmCris,
I have been debating what to say here as I am not very good with words. I am so sorry. My heart sunk when I read your post and there are just no words to tell you how terrible I feel for your and your family.
Thinking of you…
Ginny
Ginny Tauer says
April 5, 2011 at 2:52 pmCris,
I have been debating what to say here as I am not very good with words. I am so sorry. My heart sunk when I read your post and there are just no words to tell you how terrible I feel for your and your family.
Thinking of you…
Ginny
StopnSmelltheChocolates says
April 6, 2011 at 6:18 amHi Cris – I’m Lisa – your partner in Thrifty Kitchen over at Pennies and Blessings. I just wanted to thank you for your heart felt post and to say that I am so sorry for your loss. We have 1 wonderful son and since then I have only had miscarriages. The Lord has brought me to a place of peace and contentment about it and I look forward to my large family in Heaven. Prayers & Hugs!
StopnSmelltheChocolates says
April 6, 2011 at 6:18 amHi Cris – I'm Lisa – your partner in Thrifty Kitchen over at Pennies and Blessings. I just wanted to thank you for your heart felt post and to say that I am so sorry for your loss. We have 1 wonderful son and since then I have only had miscarriages. The Lord has brought me to a place of peace and contentment about it and I look forward to my large family in Heaven. Prayers & Hugs!