Several years ago I remember listening at length to all of the smoking ban talk in and around my city and I turned to my husband and I said “We are next”.
And, by that I wasn’t referring to smoking. I have never touched the things and Puddie very much prefers the tobacco of the smokeless variety (which I hate and he knows it and I am pretty sure he hates too).
No, what I meant was fat people.
This was before the “National Crisis of Obesity” was on all of the radars and people started trying to fix all of us “broken” people.
Now, mind you, I don’t like second hand smoke any more than the next guy… and I have been frustrated when my kid has been subjected to it in a public place… but what I recognized that day all those years ago was something familiar to me… although I had never taken a draw from a Marlboro in my life…
Shame.
Admittedly, I had no role either as a smoker, legislator or peanut gallery when it came to the smoking bans and I do now appreciate the non-smoking areas for my family… I have often wondered how smokers feel and felt.
Almost overnight it seems as if they were vilified.
Fast forward to this year when the state of Georgia decided shame was the ticket to fighting Childhood Obesity.
And then there was the time I was sitting in a conference session where a speaker made an off-hand comment about Paula Deen getting what was coming to her (Diabetes) for all those years of eating the food she ate. I sat there and wondered if half of the room (fellow obese attendees) felt the same shame I did when she made those comments.
And now, again… I hear the hint of shame as the School Lunch Program is changing and parents are frustrated… and rightfully so…
I get the frustration… from unwanted food wasted, to the lack of protein and a one size fits all approach, to the impact the changes will have on the kiddos that depend on the school lunch as their main (if not only) source of food for that day that has now been reduced significantly. Very valid concerns.
I too am outraged when I hear of the stories of teachers even going as far as to take away a kid’s sack lunch because they deem it unfit in all their righteousness.
But I have another concern.
On several occasions–out of frustration– I hear parents say “But my kid is not fat.”
I bite my tongue (until now) and try not to say “Would you feel any differently if they were?”
Would you be any less pissed at the new program?
Should fat kids have the same rights as other kids or are these mandates only unfair to non-fat kids?
Then I wonder how little Bobby is going to feel when Sally Sue blames him and his fatness for the fact she doesn’t get ranch today with her carrot sticks.
The last thing Bobby needs on his plate is another reason to point out how he is different.
I am not saying that I have the solutions… but as someone who has spent her life figuring out what doesn’t work in the weight debate, there is one resounding wrong answer:
Shame.
About Cris
I am the mama behind GOODEness Gracious and the owner of Cris Goode Solutions.
Here at GOODEness Gracious, we like to keep it light and fun as we cook up family meals, share our super mommy secrets and chat it up about the GOODe life:)
So come on in and sit a spell.
Jennifer Eck Campbell says
I love you and think you are beautiful and have nothing to be ashamed about whatsoever – judgement is never the answer
crisgoode says
Thanks. I really appreciate your sweet words. I just feel for those kids… I have so been there.
Lana Wallpe says
As a former educator, I think a huge disservice is being done to the elimination of physical education in schools. I know at the high school level, most classes are only offered to freshmen. It is so important that we build kids and people up rather than find ways to bring them down. I fight the same fight you fight every day, some better than others, and my ego is just a fragile as a kid’s some days, but I keep trying to tell myself that it’s more about feeling better, which I do, than what size pants I’m wearing. It’s a hard mind set to break for sure!
crisgoode says
I agree. I totally feel for all parents (and teachers) that now have hungry kids on their hands. We actually got a note last week asking us to make sure and pack enough food for a snack for snack time. PE/Exercise is definitely a better answer. Add more fruits and veggies… but make sure there is enough balanced food they will eat to keep them going. AND stop labeling it as the obesity issue… If diet needs to change, it should be because it is what is healthy for everyone–NOT because it is addressing an “issue”.
Crystal Blin says
Great post. I don’t have children yet, but it really scares me the direction society in general is headed. Schools and family’s better get his figured out because we are headed down a scary path.
crystalcattle.com
crisgoode says
Thanks. I agree. I really think we are making a lot of decisions (or allowing them to be made) that we will regret down the road. I would much prefer schools focus on encouraging fun physical activities that kids will want to continue at home and a balanced lunch that is something kids will want to replicate– instead of avoid. I don’t see many kids walking away from the lunch table happy with these changes–which is the wrong move– and I really hope that the kids that are overweight do not become targets because of it.
Jennifer DeBerry Evans says
Chris,
I have also dealt with my weight all my life. I can tell you what shame does-it makes me eat even more. That may not be the correct way to deal with it, but it’s what happened. There are many reasons people are overweight, and one of them is genetics (and I believe it is the biggest reason).
I have two sons. Those two boys are night and day in their weight and appetites and have been since birth. My oldest son has never been able to get enough to eat-he’d suck down an 8oz bottle in 5 minutes (less if he didn’t let me stop to burp him), then want another in an hour or less. My youngest took 30 minutes to get a 4 oz bottle down and often he still didn’t finish it. To look at them, you would think that the one who was always hungry is the one that is a little heavy. You would be wrong. You would also think the skinny one is the one who never sits still. You would be wrong.
I grew up with the “you’d be so pretty if…” line from my parents, step-parents, “friends”, etc. Those words hurt more than anything that was ever said to me-and it hurt worst from those who were supposed to love me as I was. Only one person in my whole life, until my husband and kids, ever told me I was beautiful. That was my Uncle Les. If it were not for him, I’d have never heard that word. I still have trouble accepting it from my husband and it hurts him that I have trouble accepting it.
Shame. Yeah, that works really well.
crisgoode says
Jennifer-
I hear ya on the activity. I remember exercising with my much slimmer friend in college and she (and I) were shocked when she couldn’t keep up what-so-ever… guess all those years of willing the pounds away with exercise were good for something! Looks can be sooo deceiving.
I totally feel you on the pretty talk. I was at the doctor’s office several years ago and the nurse told me “You have too pretty of a face to be overweight.”
But I am forever grateful for those who have come along me in life to let me know my value is not dependent on a number on a scale and that beauty comes from within… Sounds like that hubby of yours is a keeper.:)
Debbie Lyons-Blythe says
VERY well put. I am trying very hard to point out that the
one-size-fits-all approach is totally wrong in nutritional school
lunches. Every kid’s needs are different and by mandating a cap on
calories and a cap on protein, and pushing more fruits, veggies and
whole grains they think they can solve the problem? NO WAY! School lunch
is not making our kids fat. There are waaaaay too many things tied up
in that condition to even try to address it by limiting their lunch.
I am not trying to be “better” than anyone else, but merely pointing out that it is not right to mandate any kids lunch. Thank you for the reminder to put our kids first!
Aimee Whetstine says
Cris, as I’ve researched this topic, the similarities to what happened with tobacco are uncanny. There’s something ethically wrong with shaming or policing people for what they eat. Thought you might like to see this NYT article if you haven’t already: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/19/business/lawyers-of-big-tobacco-lawsuits-take-aim-at-food-industry.html?_r=3&pagewanted=all